Magic Moments
I slept through most of last night. I had to bug James for a morphine shot at around 2am, otherwise, I was down for the count until 7am. I think it's the closest I've come to a normal night since day the trache tube was installed. Oh my, could I be feeling better?
I'm not sure exactly how I'm feeling better; whether my coping skills have gotten better, my body is reacting positively to the chemo, the Chinese herbs are doing their job, the mind-bending drugs are completely flushed out of me, or what. I'm almost afraid to say it out loud: 99% of what I'm feeling isn't despair and denial. But something has definitely happened. I'm sure James is grateful that he won't be waking up at 3am with my inner cannula lying next to my bed instead of in my trache are over. I'm grateful that James has a real shot at sleeping through the night now.
Then again, last night's Iron Chef America was Freakin' Incredible!!! Two of my favorite cookbook chefs had a pizza dough battle. For months after I got Todd English's Olives, I only made pizza dough his way. It was perfect dough: thin almost cracker-like but chewy and light. I only made this dough when I ate pizza alone, or with only one other person because it was very tricky to handle.
Mario Batali's Babbo is just a gem. I call it Italian soul food because he has stuff like tripe, roasted beets, sardines, and stuff no one else I know wants when they come over for dinner. But it's definitely the stuff that I adore.
I still fantasize about my dream dinner if the miracle happens. And in every incarnation, there's sure to be a recipe from either Olives or Babbo.
I'm not sure exactly how I'm feeling better; whether my coping skills have gotten better, my body is reacting positively to the chemo, the Chinese herbs are doing their job, the mind-bending drugs are completely flushed out of me, or what. I'm almost afraid to say it out loud: 99% of what I'm feeling isn't despair and denial. But something has definitely happened. I'm sure James is grateful that he won't be waking up at 3am with my inner cannula lying next to my bed instead of in my trache are over. I'm grateful that James has a real shot at sleeping through the night now.
Then again, last night's Iron Chef America was Freakin' Incredible!!! Two of my favorite cookbook chefs had a pizza dough battle. For months after I got Todd English's Olives, I only made pizza dough his way. It was perfect dough: thin almost cracker-like but chewy and light. I only made this dough when I ate pizza alone, or with only one other person because it was very tricky to handle.
Mario Batali's Babbo is just a gem. I call it Italian soul food because he has stuff like tripe, roasted beets, sardines, and stuff no one else I know wants when they come over for dinner. But it's definitely the stuff that I adore.
I still fantasize about my dream dinner if the miracle happens. And in every incarnation, there's sure to be a recipe from either Olives or Babbo.
posted by clowny | 7/11/2005 01:35:00 PM
4 Comments:
since all i'm really allowed to do these days is sit still and feed as often as I can, i'm sure i'll be getting my fantasy list to you eventually.
don't think i've forgotten that incredible haggis dinner you threw!
It is heartening to read your posts!
Your spirit is shining and your vision is returning to its cheerful self.
You are doing a magnificent job!
The dream dinner will come, not "if" the miracle happens, but "when" the miracle happens.
Don't worry Baby, it will come soon.
Really enjoyed your posts. I have a self hypnosis site I think you might enjoy. Let me know what you think.
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