Weekend

This weekend it's been all about just hanging out alone with James and living in the past. I've been mixing different juice coctails and pouring them down my feeding syringe as often as I can. Sometimes, I just lie around pouring ice water down the syringe. I'm addicted to the smell of crisp, ice-cold water. But I also lose myself in the memory of chocolate ice-cream sodas, Fudgesicles, and blueberry smoothies.

I remind myself that I'm bucking-up my body's morale, keeping with the mental/emotional instant gratification so my body can fight the side-effects of the chemo. But what I really need to know is if the chemo is working. But it's too early to know for sure. Dr. Milch says that all the necrotic tissue in my mouth could be a good sign that cancer cells are dying away. But Dr. Buchschaecher isn't so hopeful because the tumor is still there. (SIGH).

Hopefully, there will still be no news/sign of metastasis by the time we do see a change in the the tumor, and my buddy Morphine will keep on keeping on.