Kevin's Dead Cat

After surgery sliced off an entire tumor and 1/3 of my tongue, plus six weeks of radiation therapy, I've been re-learning how to eat, drink, and talk with my newly re-constructed tongue and coping with side effects. But the cancer came back and I don't know what's going to happen next.

My Photo
Location: Los Angeles, California, United States

I don't want life to imitate art. I want life to be art.

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Post surgery depression or just another bad Star Wars movie?

Marylou from the Hospice stopped by to check up on things yesterday morning. She is so sweet. There were just a couple of tubes and supplies we missed packing at the hospital. I cleaned out my trache tube, breathing was easy, and I was feeling really good because I was able to have a relatively big breakfast.

We went to the Archlight Theatres in Hollywood to watch "The Revenge of the Sith." Unfortunately, I missed Yoda arriving on the Wookie planet and who knows what else because of a phlegm attack. The theatre was so cold it made my breathing sound like I'd snuck in small animals. The pain level on my tongue shot up to 8 as well. I don't know how long I was in the restroom waiting for the morphine to kick in. But I'm sure I'll end up seeing the movie in the theater again before the summer is over, because what I did catch I kinda enjoyed.

Now this is what I've been hearing from nearly everyone I know who's seen it: "I liked it, but I didn't go in with any big expectations." But I can't help having expectations because Episode 4 is my favorite of all time. It was nice of George Lucas to include a scene where one of his live-action actors actually acted! Episode 4 is still my favorite, but as a pure summertime, popcorn experience I've gotta give it to Episode 3. Even if General Grievous was a little too Count Chocula for me.

But for the rest of the afternoon, my breathing got a little labored. Since we were out and about doing grocery and household shopping, I couldn't check my T-tube. When we finally did get home, I discovered that nearly the entire T-tube was filled with guck. So I cleaned it out, meditated some residual pain away, and fixed dinner. But I was still depressed.

James made some frozen yogurt to cheer me up. But I didn't even want to look at it. I tried having some chicken kebab and bell peppers, but I only managed some fresh spinach juice and peach yogurt. James tried to get me to eat more, but I was just so not willing. I watch the usual porn to get in the mood; Food Network, and episodes of "A Chef's Tour", "Simply Ming", and "Iron Chef America." But once the plate is sitting in front of me, nothing. Just the expectation of pain is keeping me from eating things that, really, I should have no problems eating.

In the past hour and a half, I barely touched my 4-grain hot cereal, and my pain level has been steady at 8, even after 20 mgs of morphine. Yet I have to see the speech therapist this morning so she can watch me swallow through some x-ray video camera. I've gotta eat something, otherwise they're going to install a feeding tube next.

I look at pictures from our wedding to cheer myself up. It was such a perfect evening. But aside from how great everything looked and sounded, knowing how much love and effort Adam put into organizing it is what really sends me over the moon. I think that he is such an amazing person, and I am so very lucky that he kinda likes me, too.


Blogger clowny said...

Sleepy-Time Play Set!!! Outstanding! I'm the luckiest girl in the world!

Now I've gotta sweep my apartment for that video camera you planted because nobody else knew that "Sleepy-Time" is our S&M safety word.

Getting to know you, getting to know all about you...

May 24, 2005 8:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm just glad you didn't disturb anyone else in the theatre, as that would have been so rude.

Don't hold back from telling us about the agonizing pain and the intimate details such as gunk in your tubes, Laura. It's not pleasant, yet I, personally, can't get enough of it...if it will help you heal.

And finally, sounds like Sex is Back between Laura and James! S & M safety word....I don't think I've ever heard those words put together in that phrase, and yet I instantly knew what you meant!!!!!!!! (And I did read Misery, and lurved it.)

May 25, 2005 3:22 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home