Kevin's Dead Cat

After surgery sliced off an entire tumor and 1/3 of my tongue, plus six weeks of radiation therapy, I've been re-learning how to eat, drink, and talk with my newly re-constructed tongue and coping with side effects. But the cancer came back and I don't know what's going to happen next.

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Location: Los Angeles, California, United States

I don't want life to imitate art. I want life to be art.

Friday, April 08, 2005

CT Scan

Maria called yesterday afternoon to tell me that the CT Scan is ready. I have my appointment with Dr. McNicoll next Wednesday. The next day I see Dr. B.

Thank Buddha for Jack Kornfield's meditation CD, otherwise my side effects would be driving me crazy. I've got dry mouth, excessive phlegm, and drooling all at the same time; my ears are still ringing; and because of the tumor and swelling, I don't recognize my own tongue anymore.

It's such an enormous disconnect from the rest of my body because everything else looks and operates just swell. My arms look insanely strong (they're really not), on a good day and in the right light I have Bruce Lee's abs, and I can jog for blocks without my lungs exploding. My skin is continuing to firm up, so every time I do yoga I find another unrecognizeable part of my body. I still do a double take when I catch a reflection, because I still picture myself the way I looked 40 lbs. ago.

In the hopes that chemo may still be an option, I've been trying to gain ten pounds. It's a lot harder than it sounds because I'm trying to do it with the least amount of processed flour, sugar, and butter. Because of the pain, I've adopted the tapas lifestyle of "eating a little bit, often." Yesterday's lunch lasted an hour. Dinner lasted 90 minutes.

Everyone is conspiring to fatten me up. Leslie made homemade ice cream last night, and it was sooooo gooooood. Paloma invited me over for brunch this Sunday, but Ali already promised to take me to the best Persian food in Orange County(?). That is, after we go shooting. He thinks I need to let out some aggression with a few 9mm handguns.

Allegra is putting me in touch with an alternative medicine contact. Her friend's mother survived stage III ovarian cancer 7 years ago.

The human body is a screwy, screwy thing.


Blogger Angel said...

Fatten you up? Wow, Can i jump on that bandwagon?
There are a couple of restaurants I want to check out.

Love ya

April 08, 2005 2:50 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

blessings on you and your friends ms. clowny. more ice cream, go on!

April 08, 2005 3:43 PM  
Blogger clowny said...

will do, drstel. it's always nice to hear from you.


April 11, 2005 5:23 PM  

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