Kevin's Dead Cat

After surgery sliced off an entire tumor and 1/3 of my tongue, plus six weeks of radiation therapy, I've been re-learning how to eat, drink, and talk with my newly re-constructed tongue and coping with side effects. But the cancer came back and I don't know what's going to happen next.

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Location: Los Angeles, California, United States

I don't want life to imitate art. I want life to be art.

Friday, November 12, 2004

Only ten more treatments left

I'm fighting the cold that's been going around, and mostly succeeding. But twice this week I had to interrupt the zapping procedure for a coughing fit. I'm not so sure I can go through with the Vegas trip planned this weekend, but now Ali is trying to round up more people to stay until Monday.

The side effects are getting worse. The area on my face targeted by the radiation is so itchy and sensitive I can't wear make-up or put anything on it except super-duper moisturizer or aloe vera gel. I don't miss putting on make-up every morning, but I look like the lower part of my head has been at the beach all month without sunblock. There are some brown spots showing up as well, so it looks a little like I have skin cancer. No zits, though! The swelling on my neck feels worse than it looks. I haven't lost any flexibility, but it always feels like I'm wearing a turtleneck.

The inside of my mouth still hurts to the point where I NEED to take codeine before I brush my teeth. My digestive system still isn't used to the solid food I'm starting to eat more of (had pizza last night), and the only thing that really helps the cramping is yoga. So I'm still losing weight no matter how much I'm eating. I explained to Team Slingblade what was up, so they're not hassling me about my weight anymore.

Now that I'm in the women's circle at the Radiation/Oncology waiting room, I'm also finding out that I'm the only one in our time period that doesn't have breast cancer. AND we're all at least 10 years older than we look. A couple of them are/were undergoing chemotherapy as well. Today's discussion was all about MRI horror stories. I think I'm the only one who isn't claustrophobic. But I'm also not scoring the good stuff, like Vicodin and other stuff I can't spell/pronounce. I was too embarassed to tell them I was only taking lame-old-codeine (felt just like high school).

One of the group members has a daughter who is recovering from back surgery and has all this MORPHINE that she isn't taking. I'm working on scoring some of that supply. Now before you start judging me, let me tell you something. I went to Cole's Wednesday night and commiserated with a friend who will be going into labor in the next three weeks. When the rain started a couple of weeks ago, we both wanted a cigarette soooo badly, but no we did not indulge. No alcohol for either of us, but I got to sniff a double scotch (so pathetic). So why shouldn't I treat myself to a little hallucinogen? I've been behaving myself!

I've had three nightmares in the past two weeks. I usually only have them once a year. James said he heard me shouting in the middle of the night. I don't even remember what the dreams were about. I guess since I haven't had anyone to yell at lately I've been getting all the rage out other ways. The human psyche is an amazing thing.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think my doctor gave me too much pain killers when I was in labor because I started laughing in between contractions and feeling good but the labor lasted too long. Anyway, you should go to Vegas with the Moms. It will be fun and you might win something!

November 14, 2004 12:39 AM  
Blogger clowny said...

I didn't really gamble at all. Still sweating how much a new refrigerator and bed is going to end up costing me when I move. Glad I went, though. Leaving town is always a good idea.

November 15, 2004 4:15 PM  

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