Kevin's Dead Cat

After surgery sliced off an entire tumor and 1/3 of my tongue, plus six weeks of radiation therapy, I've been re-learning how to eat, drink, and talk with my newly re-constructed tongue and coping with side effects. But the cancer came back and I don't know what's going to happen next.

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Location: Los Angeles, California, United States

I don't want life to imitate art. I want life to be art.

Friday, November 19, 2004


I didn't sleep very well last night. Gazpacho woke me once, and my itchy neck woke me twice. Part of my throat must be swelling because it's getting harder to swallow down the right tube. I literally can't walk and chew gum at the same time because nearly every swallow is followed by a coughing fit. I'm still playing tug-o-war with the cold, and I'm tired all the time.

I may have to go back on liquid nutrients because I'm not eating as much as I thought I was. The moment of truth came when I saw all my leftovers from the week in the refrigerator at home and at the office. Turns out I'm only eating half of the already small portions I've been preparing. It's just getting harder and harder to eat now that my tongue is sore, my jaw is stiffening up, and I mentioned the thing about swallowing earlier. I was told the last week would be the roughest. They were right.

Good news is the dizziness is gone now. I've been taking iron supplements for two weeks, in addition to these multi-vitamins I take three times a day. I'm still on the flaxseed kick from before the operation but I need to start juicing up again. Now before you start thinking I've become a complete health-freak, know that I'm having coffee and mocha cake right now as I'm typing.

Raffi, from the original Team Slingblade, saw me in the waiting room this afternoon. He grabbed my gear from Galactica and brought me to BillyBob. Chris and some new people were there, too. They had that song from "The Deer Hunter" blasting, "You're just to good to be true; can't take my eyes off of you..." while I was getting zapped. When the laser arm was rotating overhead it totally felt like a Kubrik moment. I guess we were laughing pretty loud because a couple of techs walked in wondering what was going on. I miss those guys.

I'm seriously considering ending the dating season before it begins. I ran into the architect and he turned into a toad right before my eyes. I asked Big Eric to intervene since they know each other, but you should never send a man to do a woman's job (yes, there are times when I enjoy doing the dirty work, especially when they pretty much have it coming). At any rate, there are two guys I'm crushing hard for right now, but I can't seem to get it together enough to get together with either one anytime soon.

And all I really want to do lately is sleep.


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