Kevin's Dead Cat

After surgery sliced off an entire tumor and 1/3 of my tongue, plus six weeks of radiation therapy, I've been re-learning how to eat, drink, and talk with my newly re-constructed tongue and coping with side effects. But the cancer came back and I don't know what's going to happen next.

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Location: Los Angeles, California, United States

I don't want life to imitate art. I want life to be art.

Friday, July 23, 2004

Gee, how am I feeling?

The hardest part is when friends find out second-hand and I get their e-mails asking how I'm feeling. For whatever reason the reality of it all sinks in deeper then. And that's starting to happen a lot more now. I also feel a little guilty for not telling them sooner myself. So, apologies all around.

Sometimes it feels like I woke up one morning in someone else's body, in the middle of someone else's life.

But most of the time, it's business as usual. No major epiphanies or existential break-downs. I have bad moments only when I really think about what my life might be like after the surgery. But they're just moments. I keep reminding myself that if I had to get cancer, at least it was found early, and it will all be over soon.

I'm really looking forward to cooking and eating again.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Me too! I am looking forward to tasting your cooking.
In the meantime I would stay far away from microwave oven when heating up something. Radiation tickles the unwanted cells and they love it. (Just in case you don't know about this).

You are doing great with the yoga and meditation. I would make it my routine, but I would add a dose of Psalm 103 and Psalm 23.

One of the recipes for relaxation that I enjoy much is a cup or two of a combined chamomile and St. John's Wort tea, with a touch of lemon and honey to sweeten. Chamomile has been proven to relax the nerves. And with a mega Vit. C. Vit. E and A., it could lull you to sleep.

Who am I? Well, I belong to the other school of thought when it comes to oncology. I am a proponent of
boosting the immune system by the use of antioxidants.
I dont sell product but I sell the idea of taking care of one's immune system by the use of antioxidants whether one is sick or not. So by the time you go in for the slicing, your body will be in good shape.


Who am I? I am an unknown but concerned friend and is looking forward to hearing you back to good health.

Keep up the high spirit.

and remember, Jesus loves you and so do I!

July 24, 2004 10:17 AM  
Blogger clowny said...

Thanks for the good wishes, but saying you're a friend who's looking forward to tasting my cooking, then declining to identify yourself is one of the quickest ways to creep me out.

Just so you know.


July 26, 2004 2:56 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Alright, alright..Laura, I'll identify myself. I'm truly a friend.

This one is a song. I wish I have the website so you can hear it. Or maybe you have heard it sung before?

You have a Father
He calls you HIS own

He knows your name
He knows your every thought
He feels each pain you feel
And hears you when you call.

He was your Maker
He formed your heart
Before even time began
Your life was in His hand.

(Like I said you don't know me, and I am a nobody but I am a concerned friend. Am a friend of a member of your family (is that so important?) I am not trying to pose as a mysterious person. But I thought since we have not met, I will just be an anonymous person.

Just so you know SOMEONE up there loves you so very much, more than anyone else does). Keep up the high spirit. My prayers are with you. You will be alright!


July 26, 2004 5:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Laura,
Greetings in HIS precious and wonderful name! Here is hoping you are doing well, by HIS grace!

Guess what? I would like to share with you what I had for breakfast. A concoction of carrots, grapes, mango and pineapple thrown into a juicer. The resulting juice is then refrigerated. The chilled juice tastes like Hawaiin punch without the alcohol. This is a tasty and nutritious drink. And before I drink it, I raise it to HIM and say "Baruch atah Adonai (Blessed are you O Lord),Elohenu Melech Haolam(Our God KIng of the Universe), burei prei hagafen(who brought forth fruit from the vine).

You wrote:
I have bad moments only when I really think about what my life might be like after the surgery.

Well, my friend, it is enough that we take one day at a time. Let us not go as far as the surgery yet. What is important is that we have time to do something, coz'the cancer was found early. These days cancer is no longer as dreadful as it sounds when detected at its onset. There are two ladies in our church who had cancer: one with a breast cancer and the other with a leg cancer. Just like in your case, the cancer was detected early and now they are both healed and are working in the church and back to their respective work. I am confident that you will be like them, healed from head to toe.

The National Institute for Health has done extensive researches concerning cancer. Hopefully the website I sent you is helpful.

I've always thought that the messages are more important than the messenger. But if it is important to you that I give you my identity, I will do it even though it means divulging the treasures I held dearly in my heart. Hopefully I'll be your friend and I'll be allowed to share my thoughts with you in your website. If you find my messages distasteful, it is just a click away and off the message goes out of the window with no hard feelings. Can we do that?

My family's friendship with your father's family dates back from when a beautiful young lady by the name of Brigida Esguerra said "yes" to my parent's proposal that she be my godmother. The highlights of my recollections are that I remember vividly of your grandmother's kindness and understanding. She allowed my family to live in her empty house for several years' gratis, until my father was able to build his shanty. My family lived in abject poverty. I recall( like as if it were just yesterday) that, your father would deliver my christmas present, a dress that my godmother sewed (she used to be a seamstress)and that would be my best and only present for the year which gets overworn until the colors have faded and the dress would be torn and tattered.
Now you can guess how I got your website?

Suffice it to say that by the grace of God, He took me out of the miry clay (this is another the miracle of HIS love) to become HIS messenger of love, proclaiming HIS love to the atheists college students in Russia, proving to them that HE is real. As you know science says "To see is to believe". Faith says " to believe is to see". And that my friend is what we will see with your faith, my faith, your relative's faith and all your friends faith. Entwined together, we will see you coming out of this situation for HE(Jsesus) said:
When two or three agree on a matter, in MY name, it shall come to pass.
So with that I bid you adieu. He is on your side. He is fighting with you and for you and most of all HE is in you!

For today's verse: "They that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength"

Shalom haveri (Peace, goodbye for now my friend)
Amelia L

July 27, 2004 12:05 PM  
Blogger clowny said...

Amelia, I hope this links helps:

July 27, 2004 3:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good morning Laura!

Have you ever tried papaya puree with a touch of lemon and honey to sweeten? Papaya is loaded with papain, an enzyme that helps reduce swelling. Doctors recommend papaya to athletes when they are sore. I thought I'll share it with you just in case...

Hope you are feeling good. I will read the web you sent me.

Remember that Jesus loves you and I do too!

Talk to you later.


July 28, 2004 7:27 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've just read the article. It is just a chatterbox.
Do you belong to that group, "DeadBeat"?

The existence of God does not depend on some peoples' opinion. HE was, HE is and HE will be. What is more proof than the fulfilment of the prophecies in the Bible to the letter. Some are being fulfilled right under our eyes.

Jesus is the greatest proof that God came down to earth and mingled with men. And He is not a legend. His life here on earth was not just written in the Bible, but was written in the books of some Jewish and Roman historians authenticatiing that Jesus was much more than a man. As Jesus claims in the Bible HE and His Father are one. There is much more to say.

I went to a secular university where we were led to believe that there is no God. And my professors uttered what the scientists at that time believed. For a while I believed them. Later on I found that their arguments proved to be unfounded. I actually came to my senses that their arguments are like idle talks. I was an agnostic at one time. But I came to my senses. Scientists nowadays are more and more believing in God because they are finding that even the theory of evolution is becoming weaker and weaker , does not hold much with the knowledge on DNA. In fact, the survey said that people who have some kind of belief in God recover much faster than those without any belief.

Whatever is your belief I respect. We will talk about that some other time. What is more important at this time is your health. I hope you are taking vitamin C, E, and A. Surgery is good but while waiting for your turn, you do not want the carcinoma cells to multiply and reach the lymp nodes. I will keep away from alcohol for the moment. Drink plenty of water for cleansing and detox. And plenty of rest. . ...

And I hope to remain as your friend,

As ever, Jesus loves you and I do too


July 28, 2004 11:16 AM  
Blogger clowny said...

Amelia, please stop proselytizing on my blog. I do find it distasteful and far from a comfort, and I am not alone.


July 28, 2004 7:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Laura,

I'm so sorry that the things I wrote in your blog are offensive to you. I should have gotten the clue when you sent me the website. I simply could not resist to say something where I've been. Like I said I'm nobody but a messenger.

Many thanks for having me for a while in your blog. I will continue to have you in my heart. I am happy to know you are not alone.

You are loved sincerely,


July 29, 2004 10:10 AM  

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