Kevin's Dead Cat

After surgery sliced off an entire tumor and 1/3 of my tongue, plus six weeks of radiation therapy, I've been re-learning how to eat, drink, and talk with my newly re-constructed tongue and coping with side effects. But the cancer came back and I don't know what's going to happen next.

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Location: Los Angeles, California, United States

I don't want life to imitate art. I want life to be art.

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Laura at home

Laura has had a very difficult time in the last two weeks--she has had two hospital stays for a total of 11 out of 14 days hospitalized. The day she was to be released from the first, she suffered a pulmonary embolism that caused her to be even more weak and in pain when released later in the week. After the embolism, she had a procedure to insert an umbrella shaped filter to catch any additional blood clots from her legs before they reach her lungs. This, too, created extreme pain in her right leg. After the procedure, Laura was able to come home for two of the hardest days out of countless hard days we've ever faced. Every day my heart breaks and after endless days of crying, I think it can't break anymore, but when seeing her suffering like that it breaks all over again.

After those two days, Laura had a problem with her gastric feeding tube and I called the paramedics again. Laura was admitted to hospital, but she chose not to have the feeding tube reinstalled. She had made the decision that there would be no more pain and suffering. She was ready. Once again my heart breaks. The only thing I can imagine worse than losing Laura is seeing her continue to suffer. After a weekend of discussion and tears with family, friends, doctors and social workers, Laura held fast to her decision. She has come home to spend her remaining time with family and friends. Doctors say she will have anywhere from a few more hours to two weeks before she leaves us. We are doing everything we can to make her comfortable and let her know how much we love her. She is the strongest person I know, and I am proud of her for facing this with such courage.

To all her family and friends, including those friends she met here, through this blog, Laura sends her love.



Blogger cinabina said...

I happened upon this amazingly frank, brave, strong and emotional life story by chance. Right now I am crying, I didn't know Laura personally, but I feel like I do. It's like when you get to the beginning of the last chapter of a book you have fallen in love with, and you don't want to read that last chapter because you know in your heart how it will end, but you don't want it to end that way, you want the happy ending, so you think maybe if you don't read it, it will end differently, but the story is already written, and though its not how you wanted it to turn out-- your gratefull for the love and amazing journey that was shared with you. My heart and thoughts and prayers are with you, Laura, and all your family, friends, and blog observers that were lucky enough to find you...

August 31, 2005 11:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Cousin, it breaks my heart that you're leaving us, and I don't want to say goodbye. So, I wish you a good journey. Know that you'll always have a special place in my heart.


September 01, 2005 1:56 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You all are in my thoughts and prayers. Your journey has been hard. Find your Peace wherever it may be. You have made me a stronger person.

September 01, 2005 7:17 AM  
Blogger Jennifer George said...

Thanks for sharing your story with us. I hope you all find some peace. All your readers will miss "knowing" you.

September 01, 2005 10:03 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My dear friend Laura, I miss talking and laughing with you. I miss hanging at Cole’s and listening to music together. You are my neighbor and friend and you are loved and will be missed forever. We will never forget you. You and James are an inspirations to all of us. Your love and strength and will to survive will stay in my heart forever and will help me face life with more love and courage. We will all be here to help James and your family as we all try to come to terms with losing you. We all try to live life to it’s fullest. Your life will not be forgotten. You made your life an art and you made us all richer for knowing you. Go in peace my friend. I will see you again in the next world.

Love Laurence

September 01, 2005 12:20 PM  
Blogger Jim said...

It's amazing to me how, when suffering so much turmoil in your life, one can still reveal their darkest moments with such dignity and eloquence.

I was just introduced to your life through another blogger, and am saddened by bad things once again happening to good people.

I wish you peace, rest, and Godspeed. When you finish your journey, please say Hello to my Aunt M (you'll surely hear her laughter from miles away. It was one of her many loving gifts.)

September 01, 2005 8:33 PM  
Blogger Erin said...

With tears in my eyes, I say goodbye. Everyday I looked at your blog with hope and dread. Now, my worst fears have been realized.

To James: You made Laura the happiest women alive in the past few months. You could do nothing more than what you are doing right now. You are a very strong man. Bless you.

To Laura: May your journey home (wherever that may be) be fantastic. It has been a pleasure 'knowing' you. My heart breaks to see your journey on this world end, yet you will soon take flight and pain will be no more.

You both will be in my thoughts in the upcoming days and weeks. And may the love of all of your friends and family keep you safe and strong. Bless you both.

September 01, 2005 9:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

please james say hello to laura for me i don't want to say heart aches and i don't even know her personally only through blogspot...thank you for taking such good care of her.-stel

September 01, 2005 9:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Cousin Laura, I love you and I miss you already. You have been very brave and amazing throughout this challenging journey. Godspeed. We'll see each other again. My family and I will be praying for you.

September 02, 2005 5:49 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

eventually, we all must leave - during her time here, Laura has inspired, befriended and touched many people, more than anyone realizes. That is the truest definition of beauty.

love to you all...

September 02, 2005 1:13 PM  
Blogger Ren said...

Have a good Journey Laura. I met you only a couple of times at Cole's, but I knew you were a cool person to be around. May you see those that you've missed at the end of the clearing.

September 02, 2005 1:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Laura,

Your beautiful spirit has made me smile. I feel fortunate to share the world with you. May your spirit continue to soar with as much resonance as the magic music room at Cole's. Much love to you.


September 02, 2005 5:16 PM  
Blogger Merujo said...

Dear Laura and James,

I'm just one of those folks who came upon this page by chance a few months ago, and I was captivated by Laura's words. I've followed your story, and I even ate some of those dang Hostess Wonka cupcakes - with a big glass of milk - in Laura's honor.

Thank you for sharing your lives with us, Laura and James. Laura, I wish you a easy journey to a wonderful place - surely filled with laughter and spicy food and much love. And James, I wish you peace of mind and the lifelong joy of having known and loved such a person.

Be at peace.

With kindest and sincerest best regards,

Melissa Jordan

September 02, 2005 9:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your family & friends in this world are saddened by their loss but your family & friends in another world, are overjoyed to be receiving your beauty, strength and spirit.
You will be forever in my heart and in my thoughts.
John Lange

September 04, 2005 12:44 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

November 07, 2005 12:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Like others that have left a message here before, I also came upon this story by chance. It's extremely moving and has also been wonderful to read about the strength Laura showed right up to the end. I hope that her family are coming to terms with their loss, and should take strength from the messages of support they have received from close friends, and from people who only knew laura from this blog. I trust you are all OK.

June 14, 2006 6:28 AM  

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