Kevin's Dead Cat

After surgery sliced off an entire tumor and 1/3 of my tongue, plus six weeks of radiation therapy, I've been re-learning how to eat, drink, and talk with my newly re-constructed tongue and coping with side effects. But the cancer came back and I don't know what's going to happen next.

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Location: Los Angeles, California, United States

I don't want life to imitate art. I want life to be art.

Monday, September 05, 2005

Laura Esguerra Adams (July 5, 1969 - September 3, 2005)

On Saturday night at 10:35 pm, Laura, my darling wife, died in her sleep after a 14-month battle with cancer. She had come home from the hospital on Tuesday, after having made the choice not to have her gastric feeding tube reinstalled. Laura was able to say goodbye to some of her friends and family, and coming home gave her a few last moments of joy before she passed away, finally leaving behind the suffering she has had to endure for the previous months. I am sitting now, alone, in our loft, the hospital bed to my right, surrounded by medical equipment, the oxygen pumps now silent, and my heart aches for her presence, but I am grateful that she is no longer in pain and can finally find some peace.

Laura, I miss you and I love you. You are my family and I am yours.

James

27 Comments:

Blogger alice said...

James,
I haven't been able to stop thinking about all of the events that have passed so quickly, in the short time I've known you both. Your love for each other was so evident in its tenderness and purity. I hope that in these very difficult times you will have some solace in the radiance of that warmth. She lives on in the hearts and minds of all of us.

Alice

September 05, 2005 5:51 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hello, James,
please accept my deep sympathy for your loss, which I can only begin to imagine. You have given Laura so much as she made this difficult journey, and I hope as she is finding peace now, peace awaits you, in due time.
thanks for sharing the news with us,
East Coast Carolyn

September 05, 2005 6:43 PM  
Blogger Erin said...

James, Friends and Family-

I am so sorry for your unbelievable loss. My heart is breaking for you.

Thank you for sharing your journey with us. It reminds us that we are all mortal. But, Laura faced her fate with beauty, honor and courage.

Bless you all. I will be thinking of you.

September 05, 2005 7:26 PM  
Anonymous Gustavo Arellano said...

May God bless you and your beloved wife in this time of pain.

September 05, 2005 11:38 PM  
Anonymous Minerva said...

Cousin James, please accept my deepest sympathy for your loss. I miss reading her entries already but I know she is at peace now.
Minerva

September 06, 2005 2:30 AM  
Anonymous Minerva said...

Cousin James, please accept my deepest sympathy for your loss. I miss reading her entries already but I know she is at peace now.
Minerva

September 06, 2005 2:33 AM  
Anonymous Marybeth Muller said...

May I send you my deepest sympathy at this time. My thoughts and prayers have been and will remain with your family since I came across this blog nearly one year ago. James, I hope it will be of some comfort to know that you gave Laura all the love and care possible and that many share your sorrow.

September 06, 2005 6:55 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

James,

Angel here. Back in Chicago and thinking of you. I was and continue to be inspired by your love for my cousin. I send you a manly smooch from the Windy City and hopes it lands on that shiny bald head of yours.

Your showgirl cousin,

Angel

September 06, 2005 7:53 AM  
Blogger Merujo said...

James,

My most sincere and heartfelt sympathy to you and all those that loved Laura.

My gratitude to you both for letting us share in your life through this journal.

With respect and kindest wishes,

Melissa Jordan

September 06, 2005 9:40 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

James,

I am so sorry to hear the loss of your Laura. I was your bartender at your wedding and am so glad I was part of your day. The many times I met her at Adam's home and the one time I met you at the wedding, I found both of you very strong people. You will be in my thoughts.

Marie Phillips

September 06, 2005 11:22 AM  
Blogger Surfsister said...

I've begun wearing my LiveStrong bracelet again. I initially wore it for my stepson (who died of testicular cancer). I stopped wearing it when people decided the thing was trendy and cute, thus forgetting the true meaning of the band. Laura's death has made me put it back on.

September 06, 2005 12:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'll miss you, Laura.

September 06, 2005 2:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My heart aches for you James, and for her family. I came upon the blog some time ago and actually cried when i first read it because i have battled cancer myself & all the feelings that I have tried to shut out rushed back to me. I have always wished that no one should experience the pain of cancer. Now I am one of the lucky few that an say they are cancer free, but my tears are flowing again. Laura was an incredible writer, and im sure she was an incredible person to know. I feel honored to read her blog. My thoughts are with you. -- Sylvia

September 08, 2005 9:07 PM  
Blogger drstel said...

i miss her so much. fly free my dear laura.

September 10, 2005 9:14 PM  
Blogger sunsetandalvarado said...

James, Laura's at peace now. Laura was so insightful in her thoughts about the Big C. I admired you strength during Laura's hours of need. You were so lucky to have each other, stay strong my friend. Peace to both of you. Thank you, Chuck

September 11, 2005 6:01 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sending you my thoughts of love and peace during this time of sorrow...Laura will always be with you in your heart and she will always know that you love her James, now and forever...her life was an inspiration, that is something to be proud of...she lives through all the lives that she has touched personally and through this blog. Thank you Laura for sharing your legacy with the world so that we could share in your life through your eyes.

September 12, 2005 11:30 PM  
Anonymous Elizabeth Daniels said...

Dear James,
I wanted to tell you how cool I think Laura was based on her blog and the emails she sent me. I never had the chance to meet her and I regret not connecting with her on IM. We kept missing each other, and I wish I had had a chance to get to know her better.

I just checked in and was shocked to find out that she is gone. I wanted to tell you that everyone who I knew that saw her blog loved it. One of the accomplished advisors of the magazine I am founding wrote this: "WOW! YOU REALLY NEED TO GET THIS GIRL ON YOUR TEAM. SHE HAS A DEEP UNDERSTANDING OF THIS SUBJECT AND IS CLEARLY A VERY STRONG WRITER. ARE YOU IN CONTACT ALREADY?"
She was a great writer and I feel that the world lost someone who had so much left to do. I am so sorry. If you come across any of Laura's writings that you think would be good for the magazine, please send them so we can publish them in our first issue.
I hope the blog stays up so that other people can get to know her a little.

I am so sorry for the loss of Laura.

Best,

Elizabeth Daniels
waiting room magazine
elizabeth@waitingroommagazine.com

September 15, 2005 11:12 AM  
Blogger Purple_paladin said...

James,
i have only lately read laura's blog and can't say much about her, but i will however say from what i can see laura was a true angel and kind person whether or not she was religious she truely was a magnifisent person and i only wish i would have known her longer, my heart goes out to you,
god bless you and your angel wife
xxx

September 25, 2005 3:06 AM  
Anonymous Dave Gagne said...

I only found this blog after Laura's passing. I want to let you and her family know that this account of her journey has touched me deeply. There are entries I have clipped and will keep for personal inspiration.
I admire her honesty and courage.
Thank you for allowing this to be shared.
Thanks to Laura.
Via con Dios.

September 25, 2005 5:10 PM  
Anonymous Faron in Houston said...

I only discovered Laura's blog after her passing. I went back to the beginning to read every entry and spent an entire afternoon catching up with, and getting to know, this amazing young woman. Why do we have cancer? I have no idea. It's such a cruel enemy. But Laura fought one of the most amazing battles anyone can fight. And she did it with dignity and humor and love of her friends and family. Thank you Laura for letting me, a complete stranger, become part of your life. You will be missed...our loss is heaven's gain.

September 26, 2005 10:43 AM  
Blogger jon said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

October 02, 2005 12:03 PM  
Blogger Tom Naka said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

October 09, 2005 12:17 PM  
Blogger Call Me Grandma said...

I am so sorry for your loss.
Praying that someday we will have an ultimate cure for all cancers.
God Bless.

October 21, 2005 5:26 AM  
Blogger Roberto Iza Valdes said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

November 06, 2005 10:09 PM  
Anonymous celiaK said...

There was a time when I stopped coming here because the suffering she was in was just too much for me to read and see. It's as if I am suffering and dying with her. Now I am deeply sad that she has passed on at the same time relieved that she will not suffer anymore. She's home now ...

November 15, 2005 6:11 AM  
Blogger Roberto Iza Valdes said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

November 26, 2005 12:51 PM  
Blogger Roberto Iza Valdes said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

January 07, 2006 10:30 PM  

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